Aaaaand, we’re done.

ME: (ring, ring)

HIM: hey.

ME: Him! It's Petra!

HIM: yeah. hey.

ME: So, how did your paper go?

HIM: what?

ME: your paper.

HIM: what paper?

ME: um, the big paper that you said was due on Monday.

HIM: oh, that's due NEXT Monday.

ME: oh. I thought it was due this Monday. Well, nevermind.

HIM: (silence)

ME: SO. um, I've got a friend coming into town on Saturday and we're going to make dinner, and I wanted to grab a couple bottles of wine after work tomorrow to have on hand. I thought I'd see if you'd like to go with me to lend your expertise.

HIM: uuuuuuuuuuh, um, well, I really don't know THAT much about wine (editor’s note: two nights prior over dinner he made a big hairy stink about the merits of a fine wine – and how what we were drinking was not a fine wine). It'd be like the, um, how do you say.... "inexperienced tutor." (awkward pause) And I have class until 6:30. And I have to get up early and be downtown the next morning.

ME: (overly-chipper) okay, well, I'll just go by myself and get advice from some whacked-out liquor store employee.

HIM: (begrudgingly) well, where were you planning to go?

ME: just for nostalgia's sake, I was going to go to that wine place in my old neighborhood.

HIM: that one on, um, Grand?

ME: yep.

HIM: (still begrudgingly) well, I guess I could go with you; I guess I could learn something too.

ME: okay. cool. what time?

HIM: how about 7:30?

ME: I think the liquor stores close at 8 on weekdays, right?

HIM: okay, how about 7/7:15?

ME: sounds good.

HIM: okay.

ME: see you tomorrow.

HIM: bye. (click)

ME: b- oh.

God, it was like pulling teeth. Actually, I'd rather have my teeth pulled, because at least the dentist numbs you first. ACTUALLY, I just now realized that I had a messed up dream last night that my teeth were falling out. They kept coming out in threes and fours, and I was having a really hard time trying to chew. Finally I just pulled them all out so I could gum my food. It was nasty. Ugh. Deconstruct THAT.

And just for the record, he showed up. At 7:30.